No title for now, I will try to come up with something, I need a little more time though.
Nervous as hell, I knocked on the door. My hands were shaking, my palms were sweaty and my heart was about to jump out of my chest. How was she going to react on what I was about to tell her? It felt like I had been standing here for a lifetime when in reality about half a minute had passed by which I realized when I checked my watch for the second time since I climbed the stairs to the entrance of the big brick house. I knocked on the door ones more but actually I did not really want someone to answer it, if the door was opened I had to bring a subject up which usually was not well received. I had always thought the Maverick’s garden felt so serene with the big oak trees and the beautiful irises in the flower beds alongside the house but today that feeling was long gone. Now I heard steps coming toward me and I was reminded of my sweaty palms and my heart beating hard. The door slid open and there she stood the person who meant everything to me that might not want to have anything to do with me after this day.
Opening the door I saw Alex standing there looking very uneasy, this was probably the first time I saw anxiety in his kind, blue eyes. He always had a smile on his boyish face and it always matched his golden, tousled hair so well. This was not the case seeing him today though, he even felt small to me despite him being about twice as big as me. He was my best friend and seeing him like this, his face all white and his hands shaking, made me worried. I knew he had to tell me something he did not want to because he was tapping his right foot as I had seen him do so many times growing up when we had done something bad and had to tell our parents. My nerves were starting to build up in the same speed I saw Alex’s anxiety increase so in an unusually small amount of words I told him to come up to my room.
I climbed the stairs with Elyse as we headed toward her room, her parents were not at home and I was glad not having to face more people than I had to looking like this. I had passed the hallway mirror and seen that my appearance matched how I felt inside. Elyse had been using very few words since she opened the door which was not at all like her, I guess she understood something was wrong. Well in her room I sat down on the chair by her desk as she walked up to the window to close it. She usually looked as serene as her garden but know she was tangling her brown hair with her fingers as she always did when she was nervous. After a few seconds she turned around and starred at me with her green eyes. She wanted me to tell her what was up but I could not seem to get the words out of my mouth.
I stood by the window looking at Alex, waiting for him to drop the bomb on me. I knew this was not just him having had a fight with his parents or crushed the neighbors’ window with his basketball. He usually told me everything and therefore this had to be something special and that scared me. I could not ask him either because my usually extremely good vocabulary had totally run out with the tension between us, therefore I stood there with my eyes stuck in his waiting for him to break the silence.
Time flew by as Elyse pierced me with her eyes and I could not look away even if I wanted to, I had to tell her. So I did. I told her how three years ago I had told her mother that Elyse did not need her or her drinking problem in her life. That was the day before Elyse’s mother had taken her life and Elyse never got to see her again since her body was smashed. I told her how I had not thought about me saying this to her mother until yesterday when we had been talking about memories from when her mother was still alive. I saw Elyse’s eyes getting bigger and bigger and how her whole body got stiff, then she just ran out of the room, down the stairs and out the door and she did not look back, she just kept on running. I followed her and even though I was taller than her I also weighed a lot more so I could not keep up with her. I was pleading her to stop but she did not even seem to hear me.
I could not believe this, it had been my fault all along so I ran and I ran, I knew exactly where I was going. I knew that it was my fault. It was my fault that my mother took her life. It was me who could not live with the fact that she only was sober a few hours in the morning and how I could not hide feeling scared of her. I knew that it was the way I looked at her and the way I made sure she knew how I felt about her drinking that made her do it. It was not far now, I was almost there.
Now I understood where Elyse was heading and I started to panic, many times had I found her standing on the cliff, looking down at the valley where the police had taken care of whatever remained of her mother’s body. Now Elyse was standing on that exact same cliff and I yelled at her to come back but she still did not listen, I knew I could not run fast enough to make it in time. And then she jumped.
